Because of Niko
by Obi the Kid
Summary: The aftermath of a tragic event has Cal thinking about what could have been without his brother.


2012 was a difficult year with many lives lost needlessly in random acts of senseless violence. This story is no way a social commentary or political viewpoint. It is just something that I think of as writer's therapy.

Title: Because of Niko

Rating: PG

Summary: The aftermath of a tragic event has Cal thinking about what could have been without his brother.

Author: Obi the Kid

* * *

It's only because I had Niko.

It's the only reason that I've never ended up on the news after having committed some horrible evil act against innocent human civilians.

Crazy happens. Society helps it along. The media feeds it. And then more people die.

I could have been one of those. Hell, I could still be one of those. I fit the profile. White male. Childhood issues. A loner type. Obsessed with guns. That was me in a nutshell.

Except for one monumental thing.

Niko.

He refused with every ounce of his blood, sweat and tears, to ever allow me to become the monster that lay concealed under this pale skin.

When Sophia lashed out at me with her evil tongue… When other kids mocked me or treated me like the garbage stuck to the bottom of their shoes… When my father's side of the devil-eyed family visited in the night to tell me how I was to one day become a vital player in their world-dominating torturous cause… When I thought – when I _knew_ – that I was an abomination, before I'd reached the age of ten… Every single damn time that life tried to break me down, Niko was there.

Without fail. Without recrimination. Without pity.

It's the only thing that sets me apart from those human monsters of today; those who are truly more dangerous than any others. Monsters like us - you never know when we'll snap completely. We don't want help. We don't believe we need it. We are certain of these things…at least in our own warped minds.

Dig deeper though and you'll find that we are pleading for help; for someone to save us from ourselves. But in the end, we simply have no idea how to find what we so dementedly crave.

For me, I didn't have to find it. It was with me from time I popped into the world twenty years ago. Niko was my therapy. My sanity. My whole damn world.

He was constantly there to pull me back when I knew I'd soon give in to my monster.

Now, honestly, neither of us really knew exactly what I – my monster - might do if ever unleashed, but we had ideas. Dear old Dad wasn't Mr. Happy Go Lucky Monster like you see in children's movies today. Dad was evil; pure and unadulterated evil and I'd not an ounce of doubt that if I ever set loose on the world, that my own personal wake of carnage would be in mass.

More than likely, Niko would be part of that carnage.

But he won't let me go there. Not while he's alive.

And it's the antithesis of that that scares the absolute hell out of me. That one day, I'll lose Niko and before I have a chance to follow him into death, Cal, as he existed now would crumble to pieces. My restraints would be broken, as the only thing ever holding me within sanity's reach – my brother - would be gone.

The pain and the hurt and the terror that would come along with losing that piece of my soul, would become the catalyst to allow that monster part of me that one final push needed to achieve the evil it has always craved.

That would be _me_ on the news. _My_ face plastered to every paper and television on the planet. _My_ name they would remember. _My_ actions that would haunt their nights for years to come.

It's only because of Niko that I've not gone over that malevolent cliff.

It's only because of Niko that my monster side remains caged.

It's only because of Niko that I am not my father's child.

It's only because of Niko that I work to save lives rather than take them.

"Cal, do you hear me? I said, now!"

It's only because of Niko that I am up at 5AM about to jog eight through a cold and boggle-infested New York City park.

I pulled myself away from the TV. The early morning news, the day after. I watch because it reminds me of what I try so desperately hard not to be. Niko knows it too. It's the reason for this too-many-damn-miles run of death that he's dragging me toward. He knows that it'll set me back on course…by half killing me in the process.

"Shoes on, TV off. Thirty seconds or I double the run."

I didn't complain. Not this time anyway. Niko only did these things because he loved me. Well, and because I was a lazy smart ass who was currently making an unsurpassed attempt to become a permanent member of the couch slug family.

I suppose I couldn't hate him for that.

I got a surprise shoulder squeeze before we left the apartment. Then, Niko's hand rested momentarily on the back of my neck until I cleared my head with several life-sucking deep breaths. A fancy Zen trick he'd taught me a few months back; a way to deal with my own disquieting anxiety. It seemed that meditation and yoga were good for something after all – something other than boring me out of my skull.

"Good, Cal," Niko finally said. "Focus on where we are and where we're going." He wasn't talking about the run. "I won't let you fall."

I nodded and slipped into my right shoe.

"I will, however, take no pity on you while we run. Keep up, or I'll take it out on your couch-ridden ass later. Got it?"

Yeah, yeah. I got it. I love you too, big brother.

"I'm okay, Nik," I replied, matching his steadfast tone.

His hand returned briefly to my shoulder and squeezed.

And then we ran. And ran. And ran. My emotions cleared. My anxiety did the same. I found myself again.

…Only because of Niko.

* * *

The end


End file.
